Messaging

The Best First Message in Online Dating (With Examples)

The single biggest reason good matches go nowhere? A weak first message. "Hey," "Hi," and "How are you?" give the other person nothing to work with — so they don't reply. The good news is that writing a great opener is a skill anyone can learn, and it takes about thirty seconds. Here's how to do it.

The formula that works

A great first message does three things: it shows you read their profile, it gives them something easy to reply to, and it sounds like you. That usually means: a specific detail + a genuine question.

Examples you can adapt

If they mention travel: "Okay, your Rome photos are unfair — what's the one place you'd go back to tomorrow?"

If they love a hobby: "Fellow coffee snob here. Pour-over or espresso — and be honest?"

If they have a pet: "Your dog has better hair than me. What's the story there?"

For friendship: "Saw you're into hiking too — any go-to trails, or still hunting for good ones?"

Notice the pattern: each one references something specific and ends with an easy, open question. That's the whole trick.

What to avoid

"Hey" or "Hi" — no context, no reason to reply.
Generic compliments on looks — everyone sends those, and they rarely start a real conversation.
Long paragraphs — one or two sentences is plenty for a first message.
Copy-paste lines — people can tell. A tiny bit of personalization beats a "perfect" template.

Keep the momentum

Once they reply, ask follow-ups and share a little about yourself too — a conversation is a two-way street. When it's flowing, suggest moving to a voice note, a call, or meeting up. Don't let a great chat fizzle out in the message box.

Put it into practice

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